The Email Scheme
by MYZ-chan
Summary: -GazilleLucy, GrayJubia- Jubia hooks up her friends from a hospital bed. Gazille, Lucy, and Gray all wonder why they became friends with her in the first place. -AU, mentioning of past!JeralErza-


I am not doing a word count for this one. No way.

OH DEAR SWEET GOD IT IS FINALLY. FINISHED. YES.

A few things about this story: One, I do, in fact, realize that the e-mail format is off. I e-mail a lot too, so I do know. However, I didn't realize that I messed up while I was writing, and this happened. Live with it. It's not detrimental to your health or anything (but if it is, I am sorry for that). Two, I know that the characters are a bit out of character. That's the thing about AU's. The characters will never be exactly the same (though hopefully, they're somewhat similar). And three, if you don't like the pairings or the way I wrote them, then get out or advise me. _Nicely_.

ANY FLAMES ABOUT PAIRINGS/CHARACTERS/SERIES/WRITING WILL NOT BE TOLERATED HERE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, LEAVE THE BUILDING.

Try to enjoy!

And, um, yes I did edit this because I realized I was an idiot and forgot to fix the stupid usernames that were all '.com' and stuff. Sorry if they're still there!

* * *

From: salafire111

To: ironwill

Subject: Get your ass over here

We need to talk.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: salafire111

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

I don't think so. Go get Gray instead to be all buddy-buddy with.

* * *

From: salafire111

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

This isn't 'buddy-buddy' business. And Gray's a stripper. He isn't any fun.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: salafire111

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

True. So go hang out with your freaky blue cat.

* * *

From: salafire111

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

Happy is not freaky! How many times do I have to say that?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: salafire111

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

Please. A cat that can 'meow' the school song, mimic five dances and is BLUE is definitely freaky.

* * *

From: salafire111

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

It's not freaky! It's cool!

Now get your ass over here!

* * *

From: ironwill

To: salafire111

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

Oh now you remember.

We're in class and I don't know your schedule, moron. How am I supposed to meet you anywhere for the next three hours?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: salafire111

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

Never mind, that was a stupid question.

* * *

From: salafire111

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

You just realized?

We'll meet by the oak tree at the back of the school. Be sure not to use the bathroom excuse—they'll think you're smoking pot after a while. Best not lower their trust levels further than they already are, right?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: salafire111

Subject: Re: Get your ass over here

I do smoke pot, you idiot. Or at least I used to.

By the way, your username looks like you left off the 'd' in salad. It should have been 'saladfire111'.

-----

From: decibook

To: keyholder

Subject: Did you know

That the weird new transfer kid has a crush on you?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: decibook

Subject: Re: Did you know

No, but I've seen him before. I don't know his name. What was it again?

* * *

From: decibook

To: keyholder

Subject: Re: Did you know

Lucy, how out of it have you been? Everyone knows his name by now.

It's Gazille Reitfox. Remember? That scary looking dude who transferred from the rival academy Phantom with Gray's stalker girl (who is now your almost-best-friend, therefore replacing me in your heart)?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: decibook

Subject: Re: Did you know

Levi, that's ridiculous. Why would the school delinquent have a crush on me? He called me 'Bunny Girl' the first time we met. We haven't talked since.

And Jubia can never replace you. Never. Don't even think about that.

* * *

From: decibook

To: keyholder

Subject: Re: Did you know

I don't know. Maybe he just thinks that you're cute.

And I'm happy to be reassured that my status is still high in your heart.

-----

From: keyholder

To: courageleo

Subject: I need to ask you a question

You've seen Gazille, right? Gazille Reitfox? Does he seem to have a crush on a certain girl or anything? Just curious.

* * *

From: courageleo

To: keyholder

Subject: Why

Are you curious about him? You aren't thinking of dating him or anything, right?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: courageleo

Subject: No

Of course not, Loki. I'm not really interested in him. There's just a rumor around that's saying he has a crush on me. And as a friend to a friend who is in the center of the gossiping industry, I wanted to ask you this.

* * *

From: courageleo

To: keyholder

Subject: Oh

Okay. No, I haven't seen any evidence of him liking you.

-----

From: courageleo

To: ironwill

Subject: Crush or no crush?

Do you happen to like Lucy Heartphilia, by any chance?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: courageleo

Subject: That's an embarrassing subject line.

You mean Bunny Girl?

* * *

From: courageleo

To: ironwill

Subject: It was to the point.

Yeah. Her.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: courageleo

Subject: So? Still embarrassing.

No. She's annoying. Now go back to work, Loki, or you'll get fired again.

-----

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: /None/

Hey, Jubia. Why does everyone keep thinking that I like Bunny Girl? Salamander attacked me about it this morning, and Loki just e-mailed me about it.

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

How should I know? I'm busy right now. Don't bug me.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: /None/

Busy stalking Gray again, huh?

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

Shut up. No.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: /None/

I can see you from my window, Jubia. I can see you staring at Gray.

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

Well, I'm not STALKING! I'm just watching over him very protectively.

And about the whole Lucy issue—I can always ask her about it myself, you know. We're good friends.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: /None/

DO NOT DO THAT. Now get off that branch, you're going to—

Oh, forget it. Too late.

-----

From: haterain

To: keyholder

Subject: Gazille

So, Lucy. From our short period of time as friends, I now ask you as a friend on a hospital bed with a broken leg for a favor.

Will you answer this question?

Do you or do you not like Gazille Reitfox? Answer honestly.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: haterain

Subject: Re: Gazille

Jubia, I'm genuinely sorry that you are on a hospital bed with a broken leg from stalking Gray, but I don't think that I can really answer your question. I barely even know the guy, for crying out loud. How can I even get to know him? And why?

* * *

From: haterain

To: keyholder

Subject: Re: Gazille

I WAS NOT STALKING!

I can arrange for a date between you two.

Why? Because there have been rumors going around about you two, and I figured I'd be a nice gal and help save your reputation.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: haterain

Subject: Re: Gazille

You totally were.

No. Thank you though.

How will that 'save my reputation'? I'd be going with a delinquent—not something most other guys really like to see in a girl.

* * *

From: haterain

To: keyholder

Subject: Re: Gazille

No way.

You sure? He's pretty hot (though not as hot as Gray). And I can make it a double date.

Well, if you don't like him or he doesn't like you, you can just dump each other and stop all of the rumors. That usually does the trick.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: haterain

Subject: Re: Gazille

Yes way.

The hot part sounds nice. So does the double date thing.

Why not? I'll give it a try.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: haterain

Subject: Re: Gazille

By the way, who else is going to be on the double date? And when?

* * *

From: haterain

To: keyholder

Subject: Re: Gazille

Gray and me! And as soon as I can get out of the hospital.

(I am not a stalker! Period!)

-----

From: haterain

To: slickasice

Subject: Double date

Hey Gray! It's Jubia! Remember me? The girl you had to call 911 for a few days ago when I fell out of a tree and broke my leg?

Anyways, I was just wondering—how would you like to go on a double date with me after I get out of the hospital in a few weeks? And with Lucy and Gazille? I know Gazille's, like, your buddy and all, so I thought that it would make you feel more comfortable, see?

What do you think?

* * *

From: slickasice

To: haterain

Subject: Re: Double Date

Yeah, I remember you. You looked into my eyes for a really long time before you passed out on the sidewalk from shock.

And, uh, yeah, I don't mind. Sure.

By the way, Gazille's not really my buddy. He's just more of a guy I hang around with. Just wanted to make that clear.

* * *

From: haterain

To: slickasice

Subject: Re: Double Date

Great! See you there!

And okay, that's cool.

-----

From: slickasice

To: ironwill

Subject: Date

So. Has Jubia e-mailed you yet about the 'double date' issue?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: slickasice

Subject: Re: Date

No. Why?

* * *

From: slickasice

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Date

Really? Because she e-mailed me about it a few hours ago. Says that I'm going with her and you're going with Lucy as soon as Jubia herself gets out of the hospital.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: slickasice

Subject: Re: Date

WHAT

* * *

From: slickasice

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Date

Don't do the caps-lock thing, dude. It hurts my eyes.

Yeah, we're going out on a date. You have a problem with it or something? I thought you liked Lucy.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: slickasice

Subject: Re: Date

Yes, I have a problem with it. Hell, I'm going out with Bunny Girl. That's the thing that's really wrong here, besides the fact that I'm going on a DOUBLE DATE with YOU AND JUBIA.

AND I DON'T LIKE HER. AND I DON'T CARE IF CAPS-LOCK HURTS YOUR EYES. SUCK IT UP.

* * *

From: slickasice

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Date

Dude, chill, all right? Jeez.

See you in three weeks.

-----

From: ironwill

To: armoredheart

Subject: Clothes

Erza, it's Gazille. Do you have any idea about what guys are supposed to wear on dates?

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: ironwill

Subject: You care?

You're supposed to wear a suit or something casually polite. Why?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: armoredheart

Subject: Right now, I do

Yeah, I don't have that stuff. Do you know a place that sells it?

It's because Jubia's making me go on a double date in a few weeks. Happy?

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: ironwill

Subject: Right

Jeral's having a yard sale right now, and he has some pretty cool clothes you can check out.

I don't believe you. Or her.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: armoredheart

Subject: Damn it, I'm being honest

Thanks. Jeral's your weird ex-boyfriend, right?

Better believe it, because it's true.

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: ironwill

Subject: Right

Yes. And he's not weird, just psychotic!

Fine. I'll believe you for now, Gazille. With who?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: armoredheart

Subject: /None/

Uh-huh. Sure. Like that makes him any better.

Lucy Heartphilia.

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

…I don't believe you anymore. I'm going to go ask Lucy.

-----

From: armoredheart

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

Lucy, is it true that you and Gazille are going on a double date?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: armoredheart

Subject: /None/

Yeah, we're going with Jubia and Gray. Why?

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

You guys have barely even SPOKEN to each other! How are you supposed to go on a date together?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: armoredheart

Subject: /None/

Jubia and Gray are coming too! That fills in the gap. Somewhat.

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

It doesn't! Lucy, I think you should get to know this guy before you start going out. For all you could know, he could be selling drugs and eating metal behind everyone's back.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: armoredheart

Subject: /None/

Fine. I'll e-mail him tonight and try to chat. Happy?

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

Not really. A little.

By the way, that assignment that Mr. Makarov gave us—what was it again?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: armoredheart

Subject: /None/

It was something about the ancient history of magic. As if we'll ever need that, right?

* * *

From: armoredheart

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

So true. Anyways, I'm going to go work on it. Talk to you later.

-----

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: So

Are you still mad at me?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: The answer

Yes. Yes I am.

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: Oh

Come on, Gazille. You're a complete social recluse. It's about time you got out and do something.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: I am

Doing something.

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: Oh yeah?

Like what?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: Like

Going to a yard sale and buying some clothes for your stupid double date.

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: Better

But not good enough. Go out and hang out with Natsu or Gray.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: I

Don't think so.

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: Oh, well

I suppose this is why none of the girls back at Phantom Academy would never dare ask you out. You were hot, but you were a social retard.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: haterain

Subject: /None/

What do you mean, I was a—

Did you just imply that you think I'm hot?

* * *

From: haterain

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

Of course I did. Any girl with eyes in her head can see that you're hot…ish.

-----

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

So. Um. Hi. Obviously, I'm Lucy, and I hope I got the right e-mail address. Gazille, right?

Anyways, if this is the right person, I just wanted to say hi since, you know, we have to go on a date together in a few weeks.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: Hi to you too

Hey. Yeah, you got the right address, Bunny Girl. Good for you.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: Ugh

Don't call me 'Bunny Girl'! My name is Lucy! L-U-C-Y! Get it?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: Heh

Sure. Whatever.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: ARGH!

YOU ARE INFURIATING! I CAN'T BELIEVE JUBIA SET ME UP WITH YOU!

* * *

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: Nice caps

Neither can I.

-----

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

Nice fall out at the game today. I heard you broke something?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

Yeah. My pride.

I sprained my ankle. That's about it.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

I bet. You flashed every kid in the east bleachers. You sent some kids to the hospital for blood loss.

Put some ice on it. That'll keep the swelling down.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

Great. I can never show my face at school again.

Oh, like I didn't know that already?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

Sure you can. You've just got to…I don't know, hide behind a bodyguard or something. That should keep away all the fan boys that you now have.

I just thought that if you were such an airhead, you probably wouldn't remember that little detail.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

I hate you. So. Much.

I'm looking so forward to our date this Saturday. Really.

REALLY.

* * *

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: /None/

Good to know, Bunny Girl.

* * *

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: /None/

MY NAME IS LUCY!!! Ugh. Boys.

-----

From: hatesrain

To: ironwill

Subject: Date

So? How'd you like Lucy?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: hatesrain

Subject: Re: Date

She was okay, I guess. Better than some of the cheerleaders at Phantom, that's for sure.

* * *

From: hatesrain

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Date

See? I knew you would like her!

* * *

From: ironwill

To: hatesrain

Subject: Re: Date

I don't like her! I just don't hate her either.

* * *

From: hatesrain

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Date

Sure. Whatever you say.

-----

From: hatesrain

To: keyholder

Subject: Date

So? How'd you like Gazille?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: hatesrain

Subject: Re: Date

He was okay. I mean, he wasn't as mean or as bad as I expected him to be (he even asked me about my ankle! Can you believe that?), so I guess he's all right. And you were right—he was pretty cute.

* * *

From: hatesrain

To: keyholder

Subject: Re: Date

Awesome (and yes, I can believe that. Gazille can be considerate when he wants to—it's just that most of the time, he's acting too much like a jerk to be nice)!

-----

From: hatesrain

To: slickasice

Subject: Date

How'd you like the date, Gray?

* * *

From: slickasice

To: hatesrain

Subject: Re: Date

It was nice, Jubia.

Hey, you want me to call you sometime this weekend? You gave me your cell number, so…

* * *

From: hatesrain

To: slickasice

Subject: Re: Date

Yes! Go ahead. Call anytime.

* * *

From: slickasice

To: hatesrain

Subject: Re: Date

Cool. Talk to you later.

-----

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: Hang out

This isn't about our previous date. And don't get any ideas.

Do you want to go hang out? Maybe now? If it's, I don't know, not too much trouble for you?

* * *

From: keyholder

To: ironwill

Subject: Re: Hang out

Don't worry. I haven't gotten any yet.

Sure, not any trouble at all. I'll wait at city-park. See you there?

* * *

From: ironwill

To: keyholder

Subject: Re: Hang out

I'll be there.


End file.
